Erotic Literature Aficionado Gifts

"The only 'Red Room of Pain' I've ever been in is the bank manager's office."

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

First Novels.

The Dorrie Decimal System

Blue Stockings

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Voltaire

"Now I really hate poetry."

'He likes to power nap.'

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Use your imagination.

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

John Bunyan

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

Don Quixote

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

George Orwell

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"Author does not do tricks."

"Oh, this old thing?"

Sue the Author 3PM

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

"So, hw ws yr smmr?"

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

What would Charlotte Bronte do, she thought to herself.

"Barb's such a fast reader."