Erotic Fiction Lover Gifts

"How come we never collide with the burning heat of a thousand fires?"

Use your imagination.

"Say hello to my little friend."

Three little pigs-mortgage.

Sumo Love.

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

Over 50 shades of grey available.

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

First Transsylvanian Blood Bank

Stephen King

I'm ridiculously small. My nose is huge. I have ears like a jackass... Manic depressive with low elf esteem.

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

"Hello, police? I appear to have killed my husband with chapters 24 of 50 Shades of Grey..."

'Who's that painted lady?'

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

"There's no need to howl at every moon we pass by."

'Of course I like to base all my characters on real life. For instance the fat useless guy in my last novel was you!'

'I like to spend my train journeys reading fiction.' (He looks at Rail Timetable. Sign says 'Delays expected'.)

'I've never met such a heartless, gutless and brainless board of directors!'

Hook couldn't believe he hadn't thought of inviting his brother, Captain Flyswat, before.

"I thought this would be easier than a drawn-out political campaign."

"What the hell was in that?!"

Area 51 Shaed of Gray - No Trespassing

John le Carre

Sexhibition of Old masters of Erotic Art.

Two witches at airport waiting with signs: One says 'Dorothy' and the other one says 'And Your Little Dog Too!'

"I'm going to give Dostoyevsky another chance."

A caveman looks at erotic paintings

The Legacy of 50 Shades of Grey: 'Stay calm madam we will have you out of there in no time.'

"Not tonight. I've been exhausted since chapter three."

'And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, according to the Brothers Grimm.'

'Santa is real, but I can't decide if he is the New Black or 50 Shades of Grey!'

"I'm thinking about getting my teeth capped."