Epicurean Explorer T-Shirts

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

How's the souffle?

"Cactus leaves, chayote squash, or tomatillos?"

Michel Roux Jr

'Look everyone! Look at what we're drinking!'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

"I said to hold the Joie de Vivre."

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"Wow - good job!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Bright idea

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Holiday Supplies

Brainstorm in progress.

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Call this cordon bleu?"

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Survival of the Foodiest

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

"What's good here?"

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'