Epicurean Explorers T-Shirts

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Holiday Supplies

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Michel Roux Jr

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

Survival of the Foodiest

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

'Which wine should I serve with tofu meat loaf and seaweed salad?'

'Now, if you can get them when they're still in the clamshell, their adrenalin is way higher which enhances the taste. In fact, here comes one right now!'

"Wow - good job!"

"What's good here?"

No Flash Photography of Meals

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

"Not just a wheel, Trog, but a wheel of aged Parmigiano Reggiano!"

"We are starting our diet tomorrow, so we need to eat this lot today."