Epicurean Pursuits T-Shirts

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Holiday Supplies

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

Paul Bocuse caricature

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

Michel Roux Jr

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

How to injury yourself as an adult

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Survival of the Foodiest

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

'Which wine should I serve with tofu meat loaf and seaweed salad?'

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

"Wow - good job!"