Epicurean Thrill-seeker T-Shirts

"I'm looking for a red with a fruity bouquet, lightly peppery on the palate, and will get me smashed in under 3 glasses."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Pole vaulter jumping Lover's Leap.

Holiday Supplies

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"Call this cordon bleu?"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Paul Bocuse caricature

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Michel Roux Jr

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

Tightrope Walk of Romance

Lovers hop, skip, jump & leap: Hedge...ledge...edge...Reg & Midge

' Love and pole vault'

Now playing. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs II. If I'm too scared, can we cuddle. It's why I make him see these horrible movies.

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

Survival of the Foodiest

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'