Epicurean Philosopher T-Shirts

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Holiday Supplies

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

"Call this cordon bleu?"

Michel Roux Jr

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Paul Bocuse caricature

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

"Our new math book not only remediates, diagnoses, analyzes,and tests, it also contains fifty quick and delicious recipes for today's on-the-go teacher!"

Survival of the Foodiest

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

"Do you have a strain that pairs well with Chunky Monkey?"

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

"Wow - good job!"