Epicurean Escapist T-Shirts

"We are starting our diet tomorrow, so we need to eat this lot today."

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Holiday Supplies

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

Paul Bocuse caricature

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Man trapped in bubble from bubble bath.

Hotel mini-bar.

Michel Roux Jr

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

"Not now, Elaine—I'm on my man-cloud."

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

"I think my life would have been played better set against a Roaring Twenties or Civil War background."

"Meet my cats - Step Over Me, Dust Around Me, and Sit Somewhere Else."

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Message in a bottle.

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

Survival of the Foodiest