Epicurean Escapist T-Shirts

"We are starting our diet tomorrow, so we need to eat this lot today."

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Holiday Supplies

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

Michel Roux Jr

Man trapped in bubble from bubble bath.

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"Not now, Elaine—I'm on my man-cloud."

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

"Meet my cats - Step Over Me, Dust Around Me, and Sit Somewhere Else."

Survival of the Foodiest

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

Message in a bottle.

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

"I think my life would have been played better set against a Roaring Twenties or Civil War background."

'A lovely area, but not enough waiters!'