Environmental Sass Gifts

"That's the fourth husband she's put in the ground without any concern for what it's doing to the environment."

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

The New Normal

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

'Watch your step, counselor; I can go from zero to bitch in 3.2 seconds.'

'When did your breezy disdain turn into sneering condescension?'

"When you said you were experimenting with renewable ways to charge your smartphone I thought you meant solar!"

Healing the Earth

Council worker sweeping under car.

'I must be getting older. I tried to make an adorable remark to mom yesterday, and it came out all smart-alecky.'

Wind Farm Association birthday cake with windmill candles

'Happy birthday, dear -- it's a carbon offset!'

Briquettes

"You can be whatever you want to be, but you'll probably turn out like me."

Fisherman.

"I have a B.A. in indifference, an M.A. in obstinacy and I'm currently working on my doctorate in defiance."

Forest Fire Hazard

"Congratulations, Ecological Disaster—it's not often we admit another horseman into the Apocalypse!"

Koch, Manchin and Republicans

'Don't you talk back to me like that!'

'I'm 50 percent lovable and 50 percent bitch. Don't push it.'

"I don't want to be empowered - I want to be sassy."

Brunette girlfriend " I quite like your beard. You are only half as ugly now."

Alan got the feeling he'd be looking for a new job soon.

Asbestos Clean-up

"It's freaking me out, but they're happy because it's a lot cooler down here than it was up there!"

'Not since that one tree got a restraining order.'

Basketball with a trash can.

'Don't you dare raise your eyebrows at me young man!'

'Cheeky sods! I'm sure they're mentally dressing us.'

"Oh, I understood what you said, Karen. I just really don't care."

Two Men and a Truck Full of Really Toxic Stuff, Inc.