Environmental Protection Specialist Gifts

"So that's where it goes! well, I'd like to thank you fellows for bringing this to my attention."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

Humans...What is their purpose?

Rare earths are the key to a greenwashed, technotopian future

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

Deforestation.

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

Pipe Dream.

Nature versus commerce.

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

Polluted geese

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"We finally reached net zero emissions."

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

"My family has been fishing these waters for nearly 40 years. . ."

Child protects planet with umbrella.

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

'The only problem downtown offices have using solar power is finding a long enough extension cord.'

Health Advisory: Flint Water has lead, Ann Arbor water has dioxane.

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. ... Actually, you know what? You can have it now."

'I blame global warming!'

Government a la Carte

New Road Signs to Watch For:

"What the heck? The humans are washing in our waterhole with soap!"

Where does it all end up?

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

Climate Crisis

"Have you guys seen my recent collab with the universe?"

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'