Entitlement Enthusiast Gifts

Todays Sermon: 'Can our entitlements be saved?'

Pre-Old Blues

Others will fight for you

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

Wal-Mart Ruling

Stop saying 'You're the boss' I KNOW I'm the boss!

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"What's on my schedule today, Fred?"

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"I like to keep things simple."

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

Counsel examining witness

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

Trump Indicted

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of multiculturalism.'

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'