Entitlement Strategist Gifts

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

Pre-Old Blues

The early days of Warren Buffett.

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

Todays Sermon: 'Can our entitlements be saved?'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

Dangling Carrots

'I realize money can't buy happiness, so I'm just trying to improve the exchange rate.'

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

Security/Savings

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

Dispute over pocket money

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

"Civic responsibility, ethics, and a dedication to the people we serve; they're killing our business."

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

Feeding at the Trough

Zen Wall Street.

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

Sidewalk the game

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

'Sorry son, I spent all your inheritence fighting inheritence tax.'

"This morning, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, 'Bruce, you're a billionaire. It's time to stop horsing around and enjoy life a little.' "

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

'I want to ship Daddy to all the places he missed visiting, because he was working so hard to accumulate the estate I just inherited.'

Boss with Angel and Devil on his shoulders - 'They're not employees, but we do have a symbiotic relationship.'