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Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Reese Witherspoon

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Big screen TV.

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Big screen TV falling through floor

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

Stephen Fry

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

Crane Game. Ball Game.

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Oh my God, they're gassing refugees. Look at this family!"

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Can't Touch This

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Jim Carrey,

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'I'm afraid we can't make it. Harry just finished watching Meet the Press, C-Span, Face the Nation, Fox News Sunday, the Sunday Times, Newsweek, Time...'

"This is what I call a home entertainment centre."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

The end of election 2016

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.