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New Gods

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'This has all the makings of a fable. But first lets take lots of tests.'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Reese Witherspoon

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Big screen TV.

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

Big screen TV falling through floor

Stephen Fry

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Nerdy man wagging his finger.

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'