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The News Cycle

"Hurry up with your investigation—he's lying on the remote."

"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on a machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

'Being hooked on the soaps doesn't qualify you for disability payments.'

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

Cosmetic surgery on TV screen - 'Quick! My breasts are on TV...'

Sand television

Waiting For Godot And The Cable Guy

These people are having more fun in 60 seconds that we'll have in a lifetime.

'I'm bored with the Sisyphus channel. Switch to the Tantalus channel.'

'Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the 'everything's wonderful' cable news?'

'The satellite's going out again!'

'We've given TV up for Lent. My dad's just keeping his remote thumb in shape.'

"Oooh, this one's steamy!"

"of course it was a bleedin' emergency...."

'Ah -- Sipping at the fount o knowledge again, I see.'

'Cable rates are only $29.95 a month, but installation will be eight hundred thousand dollars.'

'Boy, you know our lives suck when our cable goes out more than we do.'

Watch dog.

Please stay tuned. The world has temporarily gone insane.

'The following program isn't really recommended for anybody, but hey — ratings are ratings!'

'No adjustment of your television is necessary. We have just lost our broadcasting license.'

Widescreen TV on end showing 'The Towering Inferno'.

"So now you sniff out drugs! That�s it, no more TV cop show"

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'I know it's a boring show... but the remote is broken.'

What do you want to watch tonight -- NBC, CBS, or ABC?

"Should we have dinner now, or are you watching in real time?"

Man watching television show, 'Are You Lower Than The Lowest Common Denominator'?

'...possible drug side effects include 'rapid death syndrome', but that's rare.'

Today's regularly scheduled nonsense won't be shown so we can bring you something blatantly absurd.

'Bond is back...again...!'

'No individual's , or group's feelings were hurt during the making of this film...'

Stopped keeping up with the Kardashians.

"Believing life begins at 40, Dave decided to take it easy for the first 39."