English Majors Gifts

'As I see it, Pinocchio was motivated by a need to prove himself while both hansel and Gretel were driven by an inborn rebelliousness.'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"Oh, this old thing?"

Dating an English Major

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

Meet the author

"What can I say? I was an English major."

Plain English group.

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

"I wouldn't read that book, dear... it's only there to impress visitors."

James Joyce

VALENTINES: Stuck Like Glue

When English majors become waiters.

Henry James

Books 'n' Carrots

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'Vocabulary'?'

The High School of Music and Art and Economics

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

Phonetic Man

Palindrome school.

'....and in this ward, a school teacher, teaches English - bad car crash - his pupils have already been in to see him.'

'Please Miss, why does 'Earl's Court' have an apostrophe but 'barons Court' doesn't?'

Ben Jonson

'Oh, no, not another spelling bee!'

"Those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it. Yet those who do study history are doomed to stand by helplessly while everyone else repeats it."

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

'Why English teachers were rarely hung in the old west.'

'Nevermore.' (quote the raven, feeding pigeons)

"Alas, poor Yorkie! I knew him well."

'Class, today we'll be studying the difference between past and present tense...'