English Gifts

Plain English group.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'Vocabulary'?'

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

'I'm not filibustering. I'm teaching.'

'This is the kind of grade up with which my dad won't put.'

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

'Why English teachers were rarely hung in the old west.'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"I'm writing an inverted sentence like you told me. That's what I'm doing."

English is Impotant

'No, Kevin -- there isn't any margin of error on spelling tests.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I used all the requisite tools to develop an argumentative essay. Use of the words numbskull, lamebrain, and moron was just icing on the cake."

'Is there a hyphen in stickup?'

"Good ephening."

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"The quick brown dog jumps over the lazy fox."

'I don't care if it's a bargain. I don't trust that dictionary.'

'I think exposure to Haiku has really sharpened my tweeting skills.'

'Your big sister reminds you of your English class?'

Phonetic Man

'Oh, no, not another spelling bee!'

'Class, today we'll be studying the difference between past and present tense...'

'My bad.'

Why are you upset over criminal checks for teachers, nana? They're another useless invasion of privacy. They won't stop the most common school crimes. Like giving too much homework? Like teaching bogus science, watered-down history and the improper use of pronouns.

"Baldo, what are the parts of speech?"

'....and in this ward, a school teacher, teaches English - bad car crash - his pupils have already been in to see him.'

A Puppet Named Juan

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Campaign for Plain English

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"