Learning English Gifts

"I have tried telling you several times, my name is Ken and I am from Glasgow."

A Puppet Named Juan

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

Nathaniel Hawthorne

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

Punctuation Police

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

Shakespeare was bisexual

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

'Stick them up...'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

Thomas Hardy

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"Letters would be all right if they'd just let us leave them in alphabetical order."

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

'Now, what's Italian for pizza?'

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

Sometimes Y Turn

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.