Learning English Pillows

"I have tried telling you several times, my name is Ken and I am from Glasgow."

A Puppet Named Juan

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Punctuation Police

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

Shakespeare was bisexual

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'Stick them up...'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

Thomas Hardy

"Letters would be all right if they'd just let us leave them in alphabetical order."

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

'Now, what's Italian for pizza?'

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

Sometimes Y Turn

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."