English Language Gifts

Grammarian.

'Writing is just like texting except you have to use all of the letters in each word.'

'She said we were definitely having a test, no ifs, ands or buts, and every one of them was on it.'

"My mom is an English teacher and she says Santa's elves are subordinate clauses."

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

'Without the comma, colons and semi-colons would rise up to oppress us.'

'Some say I shouldn't be so picky, which is why I'm not going to stop seeing you for ending a sentence with a preposition.'

'Can you believe I got a 'C' in English? And I was doing to good!'

'And I thought I went on and on...'

'Is there a hyphen in stickup?'

A Semicolon.

'I understand that he was a teacher of English before he got this position.'

Sometimes Y Turn

'I wish you wouldn't correct my grammar when you read my diary.'

"This can't be right, Dude!! I never got me one text or a facebook post that said somethin' about me havin' me some bad spellin' or grammar, dog!"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

Smoke signal with semi-colon

We Do Not Say 'Yeah'.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

A'sk me about my problem with apo'strophe's.

"I'm beginning to wonder if Mrs. Davis ever learned the alphabet. The only letter she seems to know is D."

'Please Miss, why does 'Earl's Court' have an apostrophe but 'barons Court' doesn't?'

"If you don't know the difference between their and there, your a fool."

"Dr Whom?"

Exclamation Marks chasing the Question Mark.

'I see that you have crossed you t's and opened you e's. That's always a good sign.'

'For snoring?! Hell, that's nothing'. I once shot a man for ending sentence in a preposition.'

'Is 'crapped' a passed participle?'

'Well I personally find the word 'oxymoron' to be an oxymoron.'

Grammar Genie

"My 'I's are up here."

"I'm always surprised at the amount of English Usage inspired by the Math Preview section of the ACT."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."