Language Gifts

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

'Merle, do you think we sound stupid when we say 'aaargh'? I mean, it's not really a word, is it?'

"Hang on...We must be doing something wrong...How does that saying go again?"

"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."

"Are we speaking to Mr Duck or Mr Rabbit?"

'Yes, a winky face is correct... But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices known as 'complete sentences.''

Ancient Grammar Police: 'Oh, for cryin' out loud...you never end a sentence with a . . .'

Annual Pedants Conference.

"I don't like large groups. I can never remember what our plural is."

M-Day

"There are some words I will not tolerate in this house-and 'awesome' is one of them."

'No, Miss Smith... I asked if you could roll your R's.'

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"I don't mind the voices themselves, Doctor. It's the Jersey accents that are driving me nuts."

'Avez-vous French toast?'

'Okay, so I don't know how to spell it, but just tell your pharmacist it's the drug with the really long name starting with 'r'!'

A skip full of fools.

"What I wouldn't give to be a fly on a different wall."

"I found a misused apostrophe in one of your entrees."

"I'm afraid it's curiosity."

"Cower before me, earthlings! Your bombs have failed, we have killed many of you, less of you remain to fight..."

Plain English group.

The Berlitz Guide to Parent-Teacher Conferences

'The Doctor will see you now. Here's your medical jargon dictionary.'

'You don't call this a legal document, do you? I can understand every word of it.'

'Who.' 'Who.' 'Who.' 'Or is it whom?'

Grammarian.

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

'Are you the new English teacher?' 'Yes I are!'

Semantics - A classroom in which meanings are discussed (Actually, this is just a door. The classroom is on the other side of the door.)

'I can't believe I went out with an apostrophe. He was so possessive.'

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'Vocabulary'?'

'Splendid new laptop, Miss Frimley! How on earth did you raise the funds?'

Pot and Kettle - "Who are you to judge?"