Language Use Gifts

"Jill's right. 'We offer a challenging work environment' sounds better than 'Welcome to the salt mines.'"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Campaign for Plain English

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Punctuation Police

Backfire

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

What's normal?

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'