English Major Gifts

"What can I say? I was an English major."

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

The High School of Music and Art and Economics

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

The business world is crying out for English majors...

"Sara, we think you have a Dostoyevsky problem."

"Oh, this old thing?"

"You majored in English, Brinwell. Write us up a nice little request for higher appropriations."

Dating an English Major

'Psych!'

'Can I have your password before you croak?'

'I do still love you, Morton, but there's a subtext.'

VALENTINES: Stuck Like Glue

'You were an English major, Ferguson -- how about helping me punch up my alibi?'

When English Majors have relationship problems.

When English majors become waiters.

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Sometimes Y Turn

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

Meet the author

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Plain English group.

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

A Semicolon.

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

'And I thought I went on and on...'

James Joyce

Henry James

Books 'n' Carrots