English Major Pillows

"What can I say? I was an English major."

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

The High School of Music and Art and Economics

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

"Sara, we think you have a Dostoyevsky problem."

"Oh, this old thing?"

"You majored in English, Brinwell. Write us up a nice little request for higher appropriations."

Dating an English Major

'Psych!'

'Can I have your password before you croak?'

'I do still love you, Morton, but there's a subtext.'

VALENTINES: Stuck Like Glue

'You were an English major, Ferguson -- how about helping me punch up my alibi?'

When English Majors have relationship problems.

When English majors become waiters.

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Sometimes Y Turn

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

Meet the author

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Plain English group.

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

A Semicolon.

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

James Joyce

Books 'n' Carrots

Grammarian.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'Vocabulary'?'

'Sorry buddy, read the sign. That means no ifs, ands, or buts.'