Engagement Ring Seeker T-Shirts

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Pyjama party

'He wants to close the deal with a handshake. What do you think about that?'

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

Exposed Intimacy Safety Vulnerability Hidden Enmity

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Romantic Coffee Dates

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

'Love and marriage?- I'm afraid I can't help you much with that, young fellow.'

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

"Better than a hunting dog - she sniffs out wifi hotspots."

Sure you can twitter, but can you chirp, warble and trill?

Unplugged.

"I think he had the idea he was looking at costume jewelry."

'Ooh, let me see... I'm hungry for affection?'

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

"I had an amazing hug dream."

"I too want companionship, intimacy, someone to grow old with, but not 24/7."

'It was my late grandmother's. She would've wanted you to have it.'

'Are you nodding in agreement, or falling asleep?'

"I need a hug."

"Well Frank, now I've met you, I think I'll adjust my visibility, click profile, locate visibility options and make myself available for a second date..."

"I'll get back to you, I'm at a fairly important meeting"

The benefit of a joint geography and geometry degree.

'There's a wizard, three hobbits and an elf out here inquiring about a ring.'

Online Couples Therapy

'It's lonely at the top, Miss Jones. Come in and give me a cuddle.'

After 15 years Mike was released

A cold day in Hell.

"I just wish it wasn't so hard to meet a nice guy with a good sense of humour who believes in all the same conspiracies that I do."