Endorsement Seeker Gifts

"Why couldn't my agent get me an endorsement deal with a wrist watch maker, like every other tennis player?"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

Mod Kwan Doh

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

'Then it's agreed -- we'll prepare a pamphlet showing how the public could save money with our company and then get it on Ophrah's book list ... '

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"And this is my life support system."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

I'm the bluebird of happiness, and I'm on a book tour. Make Your Own Happiness.

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Trekfan" in Dallas, you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java Cybercafe. I've been trying to get my wife to watch sci-fi with me. But she's so closed-minded about it. Everything that I find so profound and beautiful about it, she finds silly. Stop trying to change your wife into a Xerox copy of yourself! Right now your relationship is based on the kind of incompatibility that leads to resentment, recrimination and bickering. Enjoy that. You'd make a great Kl

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

"A word to the wise..or is it a word from the wise? I always get it mixed up."

Coffee, Snacks, and Encouragement.

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

Amnesia Support Group: Meeting Today!

And if you press that one, somebody will come in and tell you what a great job you're doing.

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

Porcupine Affirmations. Where there's a quill, there's a way!

'I just had to stop by and thank you for all the advice...'

"I love group...however, I don't feel that everyone honors my right to express my fears."