End-of-life Care Specialist Gifts

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

Stairlift around cliff face.

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"Death coach..."

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

Man sees sign at institution: 'Home for the Disgusted'

'I need a vacation, Ms. Sims. I'm tired of the same old things day after day.'

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

'I'll let my colleague explain.'

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

"Don't mention it."

"Thanks for reminding me, doc! I just forgot that I've got Alzheimer's!"

"I'm afraid he's got Jungsheimer's!"

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

'You wanted a second opinion?'

"Grandpa's old school. He likes his cell phones and insulin pumps BIG!"

O'Leary's Monuments

'You've reached that certain age where everything seems to wear out, spread out, or fall out!'

'If I were you, I'd start doing those things on your 'Things to do before you die' list.'

"The doctor said I need to shop around for a casket. I asked for a second opinion and he suggested cremation."

"A bit nervous.. It is your first euthanasia I presume."