End-of-life Care Specialist Gifts

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

Stairlift around cliff face.

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"Death coach..."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

Man sees sign at institution: 'Home for the Disgusted'

'I need a vacation, Ms. Sims. I'm tired of the same old things day after day.'

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

'I'll let my colleague explain.'

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers

"Don't mention it."

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuggedabouting things.

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"Thanks for reminding me, doc! I just forgot that I've got Alzheimer's!"

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

"I'm afraid he's got Jungsheimer's!"

"That reminds me, we must sort out your will."

"I appreciate you want to keep an eye on me, but is that really necessary?"

'You wanted a second opinion?'

"Grandpa's old school. He likes his cell phones and insulin pumps BIG!"

'You've reached that certain age where everything seems to wear out, spread out, or fall out!'

"The doctor said I need to shop around for a casket. I asked for a second opinion and he suggested cremation."

O'Leary's Monuments

'If I were you, I'd start doing those things on your 'Things to do before you die' list.'

'Kevin was plagued since childhood by fears of a monster under his bed, but eventually overcame it until he and his monster became inseparable best friends.'

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."