Death Care Gifts

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Why bother?"

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Virtual Doctor

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

YOLO vs YODO

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

Handle With Care

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"Careful."

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Doctors Discussion

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Medical Examinations.

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

Stethoscope line.

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

"As explained, Parkinson's Disease is a depletion of dopamine in the brain. But before you fill up that space with a lot of negative thoughts, let's discuss your treatment options."

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

NHS targets

'Could you wear a Dr. Phil mask?'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Paramedics.