Death Care Pillows

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Why bother?"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Virtual Doctor

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

YOLO vs YODO

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"Careful."

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Doctors Discussion

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Medical Examinations.

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

Stethoscope line.

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

"As explained, Parkinson's Disease is a depletion of dopamine in the brain. But before you fill up that space with a lot of negative thoughts, let's discuss your treatment options."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"It's our latest targets...We have to do twice as much with half the stuff in a quarter of the time!"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

Paramedics.

NHS targets