End-of-life Care Gifts

"Wow, I can smell something far beyond the expiration date!"

"When euphemism time comes which would you prefer - 'passed away' or should I just say that he boxed?"

"There is no why here."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"Death coach..."

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

Heaven

Euthanasia Clinic

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Tom's last day.

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

Closed Thursdays.

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

"I'd like to make a list. What do we kick when we die?"

"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."

"Dad and his stupid bucket list."

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

Man flying to heaven on small angel wings

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

"Don't mention it."

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

"Have a seat!"

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

Bug Funerals