End Of Life Transition Gifts

"Jerry, thanks in advance for getting me backstage."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

The fate of the emigrant

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

"Hon, I'm taking your advice and starting a new chapter."

Doubt or Certainy

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

Truthfully, I'm just a frustrated insurance agent …

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Heaven

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

'So push has come to shove...'

Women

PastFuture.

Tom's last day.

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"Yesterday we're caterpillars, today this. Can't wait to see what's next."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

Closed Thursdays.

"Hello, I'm the bluebird of quiet resignation."

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

'This isn't any comparison to my going through menopause!'

"Have a seat!"