End Of Life Reflections Gifts

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

'Tell me vicar, why isn't there a cheerful reaper?'

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Where Are They Now?'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"When you're finished with your Thanksgiving

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

Heaven

Desk at the Horizon

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

Tom's last day.

They all thought they'd be astronauts...instead they're all accountants.

'I'm at the age when everything Mother Nature gave Father Time is taking away...'

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

Closed Thursdays.

"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."

"Dad and his stupid bucket list."

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

Saguaro Cacti.

"Have a seat!"

Man flying to heaven on small angel wings

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

"If every day is a gift, where can I return all of last week?"

"Did you do all of this for me?"