Contemplating Life After Death Gifts

'Well, Mr. Hefner. Here we are. Hope you're not disappointed.'

'Where Are They Now?'

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

Tom's last day.

They all thought they'd be astronauts...instead they're all accountants.

Closed Thursdays.

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

Metaphors.

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

'Heaven...Hell...Who cares? You're Jim Morrison.'

"This rush-rush life is getting old. Sometimes, I think about moving back to the land where I way born. What do you think, Baldo? What would you miss the most?"

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

Sidney comes to the end of life's motorway

"I've got about 20 pages of questionable internet comments here."

"User name and password?"

"You're lucky. If it wasn't for the autopsy, we never would've caught it."

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

"Murchison is still in denial."

'Well,it's been real nice chatting with you Ron,and should you ever fancy a guided tour throughout the City Morgue,here's my card...' (a morgue worker handing over a 'toe tag').

"Remember me? You caught me on the Beaverkill, opening day, 1952."

"Yeah, our first album went vinyl."

Mowing the Lawn

"What is this endless series of meaningless experiences trying to teach me?"

'Why can't you grow old gracefully?'

'It's no big deal. Most of them are posthumous.'

"It was a day like any other, so I guess I'll have the usual."

Recycling Bin - Newspapers, Magazines, Broken Dreams

"I realize that each day is a gift. Now it's just a matter of figuring out how to exchange fourteen thousand six hundred of them."

Death is just a side-effect of living.

"Alice, do you have any singles? He wants a tip!"

Tarzans mid life crisis: 'It's a jungle out there.'

Death had a way of making small-talk seem even smaller.

"The last thing I remember is checking off milk, eggs and bread before realizing I mixed up my bucket and grocery lists."

"I'd like to go back and change my shirt."