Afterlife Contemplation Gifts

"User name and password?"

"I'd like to go back and change my shirt."

"Well, so much for antioxidants."

"The last thing I remember is checking off milk, eggs and bread before realizing I mixed up my bucket and grocery lists."

"You were supposed to leave your flash drive at the Pearly Gates."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Good game."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"It's true: no more burpees."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

"Are you sure I 'can't take it with me'? I brought some for you."

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

'Hendrikson is playing his practical joke again!'

"You think it's tough down there?"

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."