Afterlife Contemplator Gifts

An atheist arrives at the gates of heaven.

"I just heard that when you die your social security checks stop!"

'But Mabel, I distinctly remember that the vicar said 'till death us do part...''

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Good game."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

"Shall we put it in play?"

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

"You think it's tough down there?"

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"