Employment Tips Gifts

Dave realised he was facing the interview panel from hell.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

37 years in the same position.

The Rubber Ball Company

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Between Offices

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

In and Out Sourced.

Work Slave

"We need a union!'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"