Employment Strategies Gifts

"So why do you feel that you're a better person for the job than every other candidate who's shown me résumés with the exact same credentials?"

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

We're overstaffed right now, but we'll keep your resume on file.

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

After the layoff, Henry took a temporary job with Alamo Inc.

'Instead of firing me, he could have tolerated mediocrity a little longer.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

37 years in the same position.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"It looks like the 'because I say so' has it."

Archimedes helps Sisyphus

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Do you have any other skills?

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

In and Out Sourced.

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Work Slave

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

Between Offices

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'