Employment Skills Gifts

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'What training do I get?'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

37 years in the same position.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Keeping all the balls in the air - skills

Do you have any other skills?

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Between Offices

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Work Slave

In and Out Sourced.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'