Workplace Skills Gifts

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

"Boss, I'm more than just a cashier and mopper-upper guy."

Crack in the wall of 'Industry' called 'Illiteracy'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

How leaders fail

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'What's wrong now?'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

When Engineers Crack.

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

Keeping all the balls in the air - skills

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Office worker pushing a pile of papers on trolley.

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"