Employability Gifts

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

37 years in the same position.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Work Slave

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

In and Out Sourced.

Between Offices

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."