Employee Relations Specialists Gifts

A really great place to work: 'Entitlement Inc'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Staff support"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

How leaders fail

Outer Space Outsourcing

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'What's wrong now?'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"But don't let my wacky tie fool you. We actually take business very seriously around here."

The Evolution of the Bonus

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"