Employee Relations Gifts

'I've just been laid off. Is it too late to sign that union card you were telling me about?'

"I really wish you'd come to me first with your problems, Tom, before going on the "World's Worst Bosses' reality show!"

'Such a small bonus.'

"Your employees have lost faith in your ability to pretend to care about them."

"Under our new definition of 'what is a sale?', he hasn't made any this year."

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

'My job security hinges on the fact that I work cheaper than someone overseas.'

"You'll like working for me, everybody does."

'What's going on here? What you see is what I get, and what I see is what you get.'

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'I'd like to get your unvarnished, honest concurrence on something....'

'I don't like your attitude, Peterson, whatever it is.'

"It's not a bad company policy manual, but I'd draft some stronger limits on sick pay."

'I just wanted to slip in and say hi.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Of course we value your creativity and insight. We just don't value them very much."

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

"We shouldn't have trouble retaining good people. I made an agreement with our competitors not to hire each other's employees."

'I don't feel the love.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'