Employee Relations Consultant Gifts

'Don't look at this as a demotion, look at it as the stripping away of your last shred of dignity.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"What do you mean it's not 'Thong Thursday?'"

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

Standardisation: "I don't understand...it fitted us OK!"

'We like the teamwork idea, but Billy won't let us play with his ball.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

"John and Sidney work in human relations."

'What do you mean, 'away team'? -- You're firing me, aren't you?'

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

Personnel. Don't assume I'm incompetent, give me a chance to prove it!

Women's day - 'work'

"How flexible are we on the issue of flex time?"

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

"Corporate thinks it's time we updated our motivational strategies."