Employee Relations Consultant Gifts

'Don't look at this as a demotion, look at it as the stripping away of your last shred of dignity.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

"What do you mean it's not 'Thong Thursday?'"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

Standardisation: "I don't understand...it fitted us OK!"

'We like the teamwork idea, but Billy won't let us play with his ball.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

"John and Sidney work in human relations."

'What do you mean, 'away team'? -- You're firing me, aren't you?'

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

Women's day - 'work'

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

"How flexible are we on the issue of flex time?"

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

"Corporate thinks it's time we updated our motivational strategies."