Staff Relations Gifts

'Sir, can I talk to you? I'm a victim of bullying!'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

Sales.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

The Hockey World

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

Targets.

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'