Labor Relations Specialist Gifts

'A good negotiator can stand back and gain perspective.'

"Of course in those days there was no problems with unions."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

'Well, if you consider normal corporate surveillance, interrogation, and harassment 'union-busting,', nothing I have to say will change your mind.'

"A tea-break every four hours, a rest-room with TV and air-conditioning throughout the meeting, otherwise no agreement."

'....let me introduce Beelzebub from HR, he'll sort out your contract.'

"All I said was we completely agree with all of your proposals."

"We need a temporary employee to approach our ceo and demand we be unionized"

'Pop' goes on strike, so the company hires a scab!'

'There's a representitive from the shop floor to see you.'

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"Don't tell the employees, but management has acquired their union."

'So far this month, we've hired 12 of the bosses relatives!'

'Nowadays, we have three choices -- shape up, ship out, or file a discrimination suit.'

'You know I really thought we'd seen the last of you.'

"You're going on strike? This will be a good time to ship all your jobs overseas."

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

"What the labor-relations board doesn't know won't hurt it."

Union and Non-Union Carpenter Ants.

"I'd like to speak to you about an unfair labor practices complaint."

'Take your eye patch and that stupid parrot and your wooden leg and get out.'

"If the skeletons in our closet ever unionize, we're ruined."

"I'm not much of a baseball-strike fan. I'm more of a hockey-strike fan."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Staff support"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

How leaders fail

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"