Labor Relations Officer Gifts

'Management says we've had it too good for too long. They're demanding concessions.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"National security adviser"

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

Motivation to work

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

Snake Charmer's Snake on Strike.

'Remember that promotion you were asking for last month, , ,Well, something just opened up,'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'When you said I would go places with the firm , sir, I was rather hoping for more than the annual outings...'

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

'We're out of duct tape.'

'This next part is important. Can you say, ‘putting people before profits' - three times fast - without laughing?'

"Did I say 'corner office'? I meant 'corner of my office'."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

'Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the 'everything's wonderful' cable news?'

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

"I've finished the press statement about the kraken."

'This is just the first step -- next, I invent the Teamsters' Union!'