Employee Morale Pillows

'Morale soared when we installed the Nurf Basketball.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Staff support"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

'Before we begin, everyone turn to the person next to you and give them a hug.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

Office Dunce.

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

"And this is where we all gave up."

"I've divided my workday into nine manageable segment that are each followed by a brief period of pessimism and regret."

Not much money, glory, or praise

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

Office Ergonomics.

'I think it has reached critical mass.'

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

Dave realised that Clive didn't see problems,only 'challenges to be embraced'.

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

'It may well be nesting J.T but damn it, you've got a company to turn.'

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

The fierce urgency of now - and how to avoid it.

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

Human Resources Dept. When the boss says you're on the "short list" for promotion, it's not a crack about your height.