Workplace Morale Monitor Pillows

"This graph shows a steady increase in absenteeism that is coming alarmingly close to 100 per cent."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

Office Dunce.

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"And this is where we all gave up."

Office Ergonomics.

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

'All applicants for employment must first submit to a company physical - We use it to eliminate anyone with a backbone.'

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

When we believe together we achieve together.

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

'This is gonna be one of those teamwork talks, isn't it?'

"So, it's agreed - we lay off the stick and hit them hard with the carrot."

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

'Have you decided who's going to be team leader?'

'You're not the manager I expected.' - 'So blame yourself for having lousy judgement.'

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

We're one big happy family here. What I'm looking for is a man who can make it work.

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

'Me? Morale Officer? --Why do you always pick on ME?'

'I'm afraid of being left behind.'

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

Suggestion box paper shredder.

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

I don't feel very secure on this job.

'I hate it when EVERYONE is a whistle blower.'