Emotional Matador Gifts

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

University Soapflakes

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

Go ahead and dissect me

'I still have mood swings, but music has given me a way at last to monetize them.'

'Mum, I'm in some kind of circular arena with a guy waving a red cloth at me: Any advice?'

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"I pick up on people's pain, Alexander. What's wrong?"

A man sews broken hearts back together.

Ice Cream Flavors

Matador Artificial Insemination.

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

"You complete me."

"My aloofness is a mask."

"We had a huge fight on our first date, too."

"Eating huge amounts of chocolate sometimes helps."

"Definitely work-related."

'We told you not to wear your bright red kid's party shoes out here!'

Angry bull heads toward clown

"I see a red cape, oh wait, be warned: There's a sword hidden under it!"

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'

"You're too kneady."

Bull Treadmill

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'Of course I love her - but I'm not in love with her.'

Matador.

'Disappointed? You ask if I'm disappointed? Well, Arthur, after 38 years of patiently peeling away one onion layer after another, I'll admit I HAD hoped there was something more that a tough, green sprout-thingie at your core!'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'She thinks I'm always trying to put her down, but what does she know?'

'And to what do you attribute your bullishness?'

"Whoa! Now there's a memory you ought to just keep repressed."

'Well, if you can't stand confrontation, why on earth did you become a bullfighter?'

Bullfighting might be more widely accepted if it had a different name. They should call it "dodgebull"! (Published originally on April 27, 2015.)