Emergency Stash Expert Pillows

Survivalist, Best Before end of the world

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Emergency exit into Space

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Tsunami Evac Route

"Before we take you up to the ship, we need to examine the contents of your bag."

'How long did you try before calling?'

"My God, now what?"

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

Fire Backwards.

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

"Thanks for coming in to work on such short notice."

'Kitchen! Chicken Bone! Hurry!!' - Rent-A-Surgeon

'Oh - It's you.'

"I've got a pulse!"

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

'I'm a doctor... This man needs someone who can grant me immunity from liability, and FAST!'

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'

"We ran into a marathon."

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

"I'll put you on the waiting list."

"Whoa...not so fast! First of all please tell me your address, your health insurance number, and spell your name for me, Mr. HelpI'mBleedingToDeath."

'Just this once sir, we need the overtime.'

"Hello, A and E, which department do you need, stabbing, shooting or general GBH?"

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know First Aid?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

Man with mobile phone says: 'I can't call for help, I'm filming this for the TV news.'

'Which is it, Bill? You had a terrible accident and survived without a scratch. Or, you had a terrible accident and lost a lot of blood?'

'I said he needs an ambulance! Not ambiance!'